A Creepypasta is basically an internet horror story, no different from a campfire story or a horror novel. However these stories are told online rather in person, and are copied and pasted to other sites (like a copypasta). Some of these infamous Creepypastas have gained a following for their supernatural creatures and beings to be reckoned with. This page is about if I can beat them in a fight or not.
I cannot use firearms
I cannot use tactical gear, it must be simple tools, weapons, or gear, no military shenanigans
I must kill the Creepypasta, not subdue it or temporarily stop it
I can only use the source material and original image as to how powerful the Creepypasta is (No fanon or things outside of the original pasta)
I must use the bare minimum of items and materials to kill a Creepypasta, because I really could just use something like a horse tranq or something crazy like that for most of them.
I must only use items I can realistically buy with the unlimited budget
We will assume I have an unlimited budget, but my only place to stay is a random two story cabin deep in the woods. I have a whole day to prepare for the arrival of these monsters, don't want to be like "Ok but what if Batman has unlimited prep time" for these sorts of things.
Personal Comment: "That's a face only a mother would love."
Despite what some not in the know might assume, the story of Jeff the Killer is a pretty simple one. Local teenager gets bullied and set on fire, becoming a crazed murderer with a carved smile, peeled eyelids, and overall digusting face. (Despite how fangirls draw him as a hot anime emo badboy). Some details we can grab from the story seems to say that Jeff is a very swift killer with crazy amounts of dexterity (He threw a knife at someone to hit their shoulder almost like a ninja with a kunai would). But once in a losing situation or fight, he runs off. This is why I think that if I were to somehow make, say an electrical fence or barbed wire fence, to corner him. I could put him in a losing situation by using a spear or just any weapon with range to get him away far enough to corner him, but not get hit by his knife which once he throws and (hopefully) misses, he will lose. Maybe have some extra bear traps to make sure he can't run for good measure.
Personal Comment: "Yeah no, I'm not fighting that."
This is THE thing people think of first when you say "Creepypasta" without a doubt. Now I am aware that this thing targets children so technically I should be fine, but if Slender: The Eight Pages and Slender: The Arrival are anything to go off of, adults are also on the table for this freak of nature. Now if I had to fight this thing, I would be absolutely cooked, there is no going around it. This is a "Hydrogen bomb VS Coughing baby" kind of fight, and I'm the coughing baby. The Slenderman can teleport, which means that even if I could break my own rule of not being able to use firearms, it would be completely useless. Now yes I am aware of Marble Hornets and their interpretation of the Slenderman (technically it is not the Slenderman but rather "The Operator") but that is a completely different iteration of this creature. So yeah, after the day of preparing for the inevitable, I will probably be found stabbed into a tree branch, not winning this one!
Personal Comment: "Ok but this is the second best character in Sonic R"
I can absolutely win this one. What's funny is that the doll isn't really that big of a threat, despite how much some stories about this obscure Sonic character claim. Another funny thing is that I used to be absolutely terrified of this thing when I was younger, despite not even having touched a SEGA Saturn or a copy of Sonic R, so even then I wouldn't be "cursed" by the Tails Doll. After my preparations for the day (Just a pair of scissors, or a wire cutter), I could do the curse where all I need to do is play the Tag mode of Sonic R as the Tails Doll and tag the given characters in a specific order, then once the little fiend shows up I can just *snip* the wire connecting the doll to it's power gem, and done. The gem would make a sick necklace or something. I wouldn't even need to buy a Saturn and a copy of Sonic R since I already have those, totally not flexing or anything.
Personal Comment: "I know I joke about myself having "rake hands" but they must have awesome leaf piles"
What's amazing is that this one has been claimed to have been seen in rural New York, which means that even if I did have to deal with it, it would be in New York. But for this hypothetical, we'll say these creatures also tour around western North Carolina (Gotta see those white squirrels!!). Not much of The Rake's combat potential is talked about, but we can go off of when it was first created in 2005 in 4chan's /b/. Explaining it's six foot height, many rows of teeth, and most importantly the long claws. A few stories tell that this creature hunts at night time as well. So we have a creature that runs really fast, has good range with it's claws, and is nocturnal. I think what probably will be needed is a crossbow for this one, I know that might seem like a lame answer but a crossbow can out-range it's reach, and maybe with enough luck actually kill it in one blow. Since not much is known, I have to give this one a "maybe".